I HATE quitting.

I really do.

I absolutely loathe it.

I see it as weakness of character on my part when I quit in pursuit of a worthy goal and I'm pretty sure I'm not alone in that aspect.

However, it’s always interesting to note that we always hear that we should never quit and that there seems to be absolutely no leeway on this issue.

It’s very, very one sided.

Never, ever, ever give up they always say.

But sometimes, as you know, it’s wise to quit. It’s not ideal but it can seemingly be the right thing to do depending on the situation.

The question is when exactly?

In what situation?

And more importantly, how do you know when to quit?

It’s a complex maze that’s never really been addressed in the self improvement world because it’s far, far easier to give the “Never, ever, EVER, give up speech” instead of diving into this unknown world where quitting is actually a good thing to do.

So let’s do just that. Let’s dive right in to this world and sort this tangled mess out.

First off, let’s tackle the first question of when to quit.

In life you’ll find that any worthy endeavor you undertake can be broadly (and I mean broadly) split into 3 stages.

Stage 1: Everybody starts off here. They take some action, get some traction, might have beginner’s luck, or might do just ok, or might just knock it out of the park because they are really that good.

Case in point, they get started on that endeavor by stepping into Stage 1 and let’s say for example’s sake that the endeavor is to compete professionally in tennis.

Then after some time in Stage 1, Stage 2 hits.

Stage 2 is an unavoidable stage in life and it is arguably the greatest “filter” in life.

Stage 2 is the dreaded “dead zone”.

The novelty has worn off, things get tough, and you have to really work to make things happen.

But this stage is SO important because without Stage 2, ALL of us would be like Pete Sampras. All of us would be Michael Jordan, or Bill Gates or David Beckham.

Stage 2 is absolutely necessary because it acts as an important filter to ultimately separate that very, very small minority from the majority. You’ll always see a 99.99999% (I exaggerate but you get the point) drop in Stage 2 in terms of the amount of people who quit.

Then, for those who have stuck it through in Stage 2, they will get the magic key to Stage 3, where we have the Michael Jordans, the Tiger Woods, the Pete Samprases, etc.

So looking at these 3 stages everybody needs to undergo when pursuing any worthy endeavor, what can we infer in terms of knowing when to quit?

The answer is simple.

Quit before the game even starts.

Knowing when to quit is to know when to not even start in the first place.

You decide that by looking past Stage 1 and instead, looking intently at Stage 2.

Do you have what it takes to rough that stage? Are you willing to rough it in the first place? And do you even know deep down inside that you can do it?

The trouble with all this is that when you’re young, you really don’t know any better. You can’t answer this question because 9/10 times, you don’t even think about Stage 2.

When you’re young, you’re very gung ho and you tend to dive into anything that interests you at full force without thinking or even knowing that there is a Stage 2 up ahead and when it ultimately comes, you quit when you’re in it.

ALL of us can relate to this in one way or another in our childhood and teenage years. But the important thing here is that among all those very shallow “penetrations” that we engage in over the course of all our endeavors, we invisibly find something that we feel is different. Different in the sense that we know we can go further, because there’s that natural drive there that wasn’t present before in any of our other endeavors.

We want to do it. We’re interested. Not just interested, but genuinely interested. We have the desire. The passion. That gut feeling deep down inside.

And when we have this feeling, it’s very important because we can then start to discern in exactly what areas/activities/endeavors that we can undertake where we know we can get past Stage 2.

For example, in my young childhood years, I played many different musical instruments. I played the piano. I played the violin. I even tried playing the trumpet, but I never got past Stage 2 in any of those endeavors.

Ever.

I liked the beginning where I got to play the scales and the easy songs, but when it got time for the intermediate material, it never “clicked” with me so I gave it up.

When I got into books and writing, the novelty never wore off for some reason. I half expected that it would but I constantly found myself with my head buried in books and my hand writing furiously into a notebook.

I began to see a pattern of me always liking to take in new information. I began to see a pattern of me always liking to express my own ideas in my own style through writing.

Many years later, when I saw I had an opportunity to take a speech class at UCLA, I seized it because I knew this was something that I would go “deep” into, deep past Stage 2 because it was something that involved expressing things in my own style, with this time being my voice and gestures and not just words on a piece of paper.

And that’s exactly how it turned out.

I didn’t just do the basic requirements in class. I went as deep as I could.

I picked my professor’s brain clean. I read all the material, tried to do more and continued my education long after that class ended.

Now I’m not saying I’m the greatest speaker in the world, but I like to think I can hold my own very well, at least in English (speaking in my native language, Korean, seems to be a bit more difficult as I’m not very fluent in the language.)

But going back to my point, with experience, you’ll know what’s realistic for you in terms of knowing whether or not you can get past Stage 2 of the endeavor you wish to pursue and by knowing that, you know which endeavors to quit before you even start so you don’t waste time and money pursuing it, only to naturally quit in Stage 2 of it. You’ll know you can get past Stage 2 from past experience, and you’ll see that passion, that genuine interest, that curiosity, etc., – and you’ll find all these elements serve to act as your “Gatorade” during your journey in Stage 2. Now what if you’re in Stage 2 right now?

How do you decide whether or not to stick it through?

This seems to be the million dollar question.

Here’s the answer.

You should stick to it if you’re looking forward to spending time in Stage 2.

If you’re embracing it, if you’re loving the aspects of Stage 2 - the challenges, the problems that come up, the little by little improvements, then you have that “it” within you to survive it. That “it” that will take you out of Stage 2 and onto Stage 3.

Think about it.

If you’re really looking forward to spending time in Stage 2, then how much more will you enjoy spending time in Stage 3?

That alone will add even more fuel to your desire to spend time in Stage 2 because you know by doing so, you’ll get to Stage 3 which will be an even more incredible experience for you.

That’s the litmus test you should use to decide whether or not to quit when in Stage 2.

But let’s face it. There will be times when even though you enjoy looking forward to your time in Stage 2, there will be those really low moments that will test you so it always helps to train yourself not to quit when that moment arrives.

How can you do that?

Don’t quit on the small stuff in your daily life.

If you told yourself you’re going to bench 180 pounds 10 times at the gym, don’t quit on the 9th rep. Power it through to the 10th rep. Jog that extra 100 feet at the park even though you feel like your lungs are going to explode. Don’t quit your construction of that tree house you promised you would build for your kids.

And what you’ll find when you do this, when you don’t quit on the small stuff, is that you could always do more than you thought you could.

Always.

So remember to quit the wrong stuff before you even get in it.

And remember to never quit the right stuff when you are in it.

And remember to never, ever, ever quit the small stuff.

Ever.

Because if you can quit the small stuff, it becomes really, really easy to quit the right stuff.