It's happened to a lot of people.

Life is OK, we’re trudging along, and then suddenly out of the blue, someone we know hits it big financially with their business. Another gets married to a perfect spouse. Another finds their dream career.

And here you are in a job you hate, mountains of debt piling up to your ears, and the feeling that you’ll be perpetually single. You feel a toxic concoction of jealousy, envy, and resentment toward them AND yourself as well, build within you, all masked by that perfect, nice, fake smile you give when you see them to congratulate them.

Then comes the pity party. ”Why not me?

Life’s not fair.

I can't catch a break to save my life.”

The usual default response after time passes by. So given this nasty concoction of jealousy, envy, and resentment followed by the big pity party, how on earth can we not only feel GENUINLEY happy for other people, but about ourselves as well in the process?

Can it be done?

Is it too much to ask for both?

Here are a two ways to think about it followed by the big one that will change the way you look at everything. First, appreciate all the work that came before they hit it “big”.

We find when we back trace, it didn’t happen overnight.

People see fighters get in the ring, box for 2 minutes, get a knockout and get a payday of $500,000.

$500,000 for 2 minutes of work.

Who wouldn’t want that?

But it wasn’t $500,000 for 2 minutes of work.

$500,000 for years and years and years of hard training, sweating, bleeding, blisters, bruises, aching, wondering if you can really pull this off, if you’re just wasting your time, if all of this is even worth it, crying, bouts of depression, doubt, fear, getting up early in the morning, running, not being able to eat what you really want to eat, the press all over you, trash talk from the opponent eating away at you, surgery for injuries, bills to pay to trainers, the feeling of wanting to vomit while in the locker room, waiting for the match to start, the expectations from the fans weighing down on you, the fear from the opponent wanting to hurt you, and so, so, so much more.

Yeah, it seems like on the surface that every person’s big success is instant, but it rarely is.

Think about it.

Appreciate the journey that got them there.

That alone can take off much of the sting.

So that’s the first thing, appreciation of the journey.

The second thing that naturally follows that?

Let their journey inspire you.

Learn about it as much as you can. Glean all you can from it. Let that journey inspire you to be more disciplined in your own.

In other words, make this work for you. Don’t just be happy for them. Be happy for them, appreciate their journey, and let it work for your own.

Might as well.

Now the big thing.

I know some people might have scrolled down to just read the big thing, but if you did and you’re reading this, scroll back up and read in order. Don’t spoil it for yourself. I didn’t even bold or underline or make the big thing italic so as not to catch your eye. It’s hidden so that only if you read line by line, you’ll see it.

Ok.

Here’s the big thing.

The one thing, that if you truly realize, will put everything in perspective and take away that concoction of jealousy, envy, and resentment that you get when you find out about another person’s success. Their success doesn’t take away from your share of the pie. There’s not even a pie. I just use that as a metaphor to see where the flawed thinking is.

We tend to think a person got this or that, that we’ll never get this or that. A person obtaining something doesn’t subtract from what we can get. It’s not like that. Think about it. We tend to get easily jealous because we think just because somebody got something, that we can’t get that something too. It’s as if they’ve taken it away from us. We don’t think like that consciously, but that underlying logic is there.

Classic example.

Jack has a secret crush on Julie. They flirt a bit but nothing ever serious happens. Jack’s doesn’t want to make a move yet. Meanwhile, Julie finds somebody and gets married.

Classic Jack reaction?

Jealousy, envy, resentment toward the husband, followed by the pity party of how he should’ve pulled the trigger, made a move, about how he will never find another person like Julie ever again.

Let me ask you something.

Imagine you get a big, huge bathroom size tub of popcorn at the movies. Yes, I know, a bit unrealistic but bear with me. You really want to taste the popcorn so you take one fluffy kernel out of the tub with your hand, bring it to your mouth, and then accidentally drop it on the floor.

Are you going to curl up in a ball and cry?

Or look at all the other popcorn in your tub and continue to eat on?

Now obviously, I’m not saying Julie is a piece of popcorn but you get the analogy.

It’s the plenty of fish in the sea argument and yes, I know it can sound very cliché but it’s true if you think about it.

Limited thinking makes us grasp tightly and feel more vulnerable when we lose things.

We have to expand our thinking to the point that we realize that other people’s gains are not our losses. It has no bearing. There is so much more “popcorn” out there for us so when we really realize and internalize that, we let go. We don’t ruminate over other people’s success and hold on to it, turning it over and over in our minds, thinking somehow in some way, we’ve lost something. We let go because we know there’s more for us than we can possibly realize.

We only need to appreciate the journey that got them there, let it inspire us, and see there is more than enough for us.

When you realize that, you’ll get the feeling that so many people crave when they hear the good news of those they know.

That genuine feeling of happiness and excitement for others.

Happy and excited for them obviously.

But also happy and excited for you too – because they’ve shown what’s also possible for you.